


Is This Weird? It's Weird, Isnt It?

by Tish



Category: Fake News RPF
Genre: #JustAddZebras, Accidental Stimulation, Dream Sex, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Suit Porn, Unexpected Arousal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 06:33:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/pseuds/Tish
Summary: A simple hashtag brings about weird sexiness for John.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smallearthcat (vamplover82)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamplover82/gifts).



“Well, this is weird,” John mused as a herd of zebras danced across his dreamscape.  
“Indeed,” he replied to himself. “That'd be because of all those hashtag Just Add Zebras videos we watched during work breaks.”  
John turned to himself. “Wait, are you the dream observer or am I? This feels really weird.”  
“I said _weird_ already. Get a thesaurus, Oliver,” John said to his other self.

John shook his head and turned back to watch the zebras as green screen glitches flickered now and again. He smiled and sipped a very pleasant tasting Bud Light Lime, cementing the fact into his mind that this was indisputably a dream.

As most of the zebras danced off into a majestic veldt, the sole remaining zebra danced over to him, wiggling a very attractive booty. John was only mildly disturbed by how attractive that arse was as the tight-fitting costume caressed the zebra's body. He reluctantly looked up to give the zebra a friendly smile and an encouraging nod, only to feel an immediate tightening in his pants as Trevor's face and beaming smile emerged from the fabric just below the zebra's head.

“Okay. This just got a little bit weirder. In fact, this is pretty awkward,” John fidgeted in his seat as Trevor twirled in front of him.

“Hey, John. Nice dream,” Trevor put his arms outstretched in front of him and rolled his hips in time to an inaudible rhythm.

“Thanks. No, wait. Is this a teensy bit racist? It's suddenly got a bit too British Empire colonial around here,” John waved his hands at the scene.

Trevor's laugh was intoxicating, much more intoxicating than the piss-weak dish-washing liquid excuse for a beer John was weirdly enjoying.

“John, just because I, a devastatingly gorgeous mixed race man, am wearing a black and white animal suit while dancing very sexily for your enjoyment, in a beautiful African setting, doesn't necessarily make this racist. It's just a dream, I'm not going to tell anyone, am I?” Trevor moved his hands onto the chair arms and slid onto John's thighs.

“This is going to turn into one of _those_ dreams, isn't it?” John felt the bottle drop from his hand, landing in the sandy soil with a soft thud and possibly causing a toxic flood that would wipe out an entire civilisation of peaceful miniature underground dwellers. He felt a pang of remorse for them, before being distracted by what Trevor was doing.

Trevor had a firm grasp on the tent that was forming in the crotch of John's trousers, the fabric bulging against the growing erection. He slid back from John's thighs to crouch before him, one hand still locked over the mound, the other slowly unzipping him.

“Time to release the tiger,” Trevor grinned.

John was thoroughly perplexed. “You're equating my penis to a tiger? Seriously? Have you _seen_ it?” John looked down just as Trevor slipped his tongue over it. “Oh. Oh fuck! You've got a zebra's tongue!”

As Trevor's zebra head bobbed up and down in his lap, John thought of the escalating levels of weirdness this dream was taking. Any minute now, he'd wake up and revert to his thoroughly British self. Right now, though, he had to admit he was having a fucking fantastic time. The zebra tongue was just the right kind of rough as it rasped against his cock, and he marvelled at the tiny raised bumps as they slid over the head and down the sides of his shaft.

As he watched the zebra head, John found words starting to tumble from his mouth. “Why do suddenly feel like I've wondered into the Overlook Comedy Club and am roaming the corridors? Jon's going to be behind the bar and he's going to serve me whiskey, then tell me that _I've always been here_.”

“You know what they say. _All work and no play makes John a dull boy_...,” Trevor's slightly muffled voice drifted up. 

Trevor's tongue was still wrapped around John's cock as he'd spoken, and so worked up by the incredible sensation John nearly bolted up from his chair, forcing his dick further into Trevor's mouth.

Trevor yelped and stifled a laugh, sucking droplets from the tip of John's cock.

All John could do was moan and brace himself against the chair, giving Trevor a polite rub on the shoulder as he felt himself start to come. He felt a firm rasp of a tongue all over his cock again and made a strangled, wordless sound as his world went green and glitched around him. 

John managed to slump back and blinked a few times, catching his breath. As his eyes found their focus, he saw Trevor watching him with amusement, mouth still warming his softening cock. “Thank you,” John tried not to cough. “Do I just say thank you, or do we slink away and never speak of it again, I don't know?”

Trevor slowly released John's cock and replied. “Well, I guess the thank you will do, unless you want to give a score out of 10. See you on Wednesday!”

“Wait, Wednesday?” John was lost for a moment. “Oh fuck, I'm doing your show on Wednesday, aren't I? That'll be fucking weird.”

“Not for me, I won't know anything about this,” Trevor's smile was disarmingly sexy, something which John tried to ignore as his cock started to twitch again.

“Time to wake up, John. It'll be fine, I promise,” Trevor grooved away into the veldt as John woke up.

 

“Well, that was weird,” John muttered sleepily. “Sure, it''ll be fine...”

 

Every time someone in the office found and put on a new #JustAddZebras clip, John practically came over himself. He had to take several deep breaths and concentrate really hard on his coffee to get through each one. It was agonisingly weird.

 

Wednesday. D-Day, John mused silently to himself as he sat in the Daily Show's green room. The décor was fresh and colourful, the food and drinks were refreshing and tasty, the couch was incredibly comfortable with a variety of cushions to relax against.

John heard Trevor's voice outside in the corridor and D-Day arrived with a bang in his trousers. He was immediately grateful for the army of cushions as Trevor knocked on the half-open door and popped his head in.

“John! Fantastic to see you again. No, don't get up,” Trevor's eyes twinkled in the light as he danced his way into the room. “Love those zebras, my friend!”

John clutched a large cushion over his lap, trying to press down his erection. “Oh? Thanks. We love them, too. These cushions are really good. So, uh, nice.”

“Oh those. Yeah, they're just the right hardness, too,” Trevor sat down and patted the cushion. “Thanks for coming, man. It's gonna be great.”

“You know, I just might take this cushion out with me,” John found himself lost in Trevor's smile, and the glimpses of his tongue as he spoke.

“Earth to Planet John?” Trevor's voice drifted into John's reverie. “Dude, you okay?”

John finally registered that Trevor had asked him something three times and gibbered a little, mortified. “Oh God. Sorry. I was miles away.”

“Hope you were somewhere sweet, maybe Africa, yeah? Cool drink in your hand,” Trevor patted the cushion again. “Have you ever been? It's the stuff of dreams, John.”

John yelped and nearly fell off the couch. “How did you _know_? And how did you find a zebra suit so snug?” John abruptly shut up as he noticed Trevor's confused expression.

“John, did we put out hash brownies with actual hash in them?” Trevor chose his words carefully.

John sighed as he adjusted the cushion. “Look, I had this awesome dream, and you were in it. It was a little bit freaky, to be honest.”

Trevor's eyes closed up as he started laughing. “Wait, is this what the zebra suit thing is about? Was I wearing a zebra suit? Did I dance for you?”

“I'm starting to think zebra isn't a real word any more. But yes, you danced, and fuck you were sexy. Please, please don't tell anybody about this,” John grasped Trevor's suit as he tilted back against the couch, body shaking from the laughter.

Trevor flapped a hand against the cushion, rocking from side to side in a fit of giggles. Somehow, it slipped underneath the cushion and he stopped, eyes locking with John's.

“I think I should do something about that,” Trevor whispered, as his hand smoothed over John's boner. 

John flicked a glance over to check that Trevor had shut the door when he'd entered the room. He had. He slowly moved the cushion and swallowed at the slight loss of pressure over his crotch. Trevor's hand made up the difference as he climbed into John's lap.

“So, have you ever done this before?” Trevor's tone was casual and conversational as he loosened John's clothes.

John snorted a laugh. “What, with _my_ face?”

“With your face, or hands?” Trevor gleefully misinterpreted the reply.

John was tempted to escalate the mock argument, but he became thoroughly distracted by Trevor's paradoxically firm, yet tender grasp of his cock.

“Fuck, you have really soft hands,” John found himself saying.

Trevor pushed a finger up along the shaft of John's cock and curled his other fingers around the base, “I use a really good moisturiser. All natural, in fact. Allow me to demonstrate.”

John's eyes widened as he watched Trevor slowly start to pump his cock, licking the palm of his other hand to provide a contrasting sensation. He applied pressure around the base, then slid a thumb up and down the hardening flesh.

John put a hand under Trevor's thigh and felt the toned body underneath the fabric of the suit. The linen scent of the freshly cleaned suit, mingled with Trevor's subtle cologne made John feel a little giddy. He slid his other hand under the lapel of the jacket and across Trevor's chest, resting to feel for the beat of his heart.

He watched Trevor's eyes, half-closed with concentration. He studied Trevor's dimples as he smiled and grimaced slightly with the exertion. 

John thought for a moment, then made his move. Trevor yelped a little too loudly as John's hand quickly dived to his zip and inside his trousers. John now had Trevor's cock in his hand and rapidly started tugging away, slowing a little as he licked his other hand, just as Trevor had done.

John banished the word _weird_ from his mind and let the mutual jizz-fest take over. He as getting really hard now and felt he was going to burst, but Trevor wasn't letting him. Every time he felt like he was going to come, Trevor did something with his thumb, a little pressure in a place that distracted him, a little hint of a nail scrape that sent him back from the brink. It was infuriating and amazing at the same time.

John divided his attention between his own overwhelming lust and working on getting Trevor off. He pressed against the head of his cock and squeezed with his little finger, smiling with satisfaction at Trevor's flinch and delighted gasping.

John caught Trevor's eye and saw the unspoken question. He felt like he would pass out if he couldn't come, so he leaned back and whispered, “Please?”

Trevor leaned in and kissed John, making a final rapid fire series of jerks that sent a small spray over both their suits. John mouthed something wordlessly, as Trevor placed John's hand over his own, helping John get him off.

The warmth of their shared body heat, the jizz softening Trevor's hands even more, and the thickness of Trevor's stiffy sent John into a dreamlike state, barely broken by a guttural cry as Trevor came over them both.

There was silence as the sound of waves rushed through John's ears. Something like retina burn danced inside his eyes as he blinked, and he swallowed saliva to parch his dry throat.

 

Thoughts of cleaning up and becoming presentable for a tv show were far from his mind as he sat, one hand still around Trevor's cock, the other grasping the arm of the couch to hold himself steady. He felt Trevor lean fully onto him and just nuzzled into Trevor's neck, spent and sated.

 

He finally croaked out something which approached sensible words. “That was fucking awesome. Awkward, weird, but awesome.”


End file.
